The adventure begins!
by Arasinyah
Summary: When Loki's continued presence threatens the political situation on Asgard, Thor has no choice but to bring him to Midgard to stay with him and his Shield Brothers. They may have defeated a murderous Loki but a playful one is beyond even their abilities.(Post The Dark World. No plot, just situational comedy)
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:I only own Bart.**

* * *

Tony looked around the table in his tower, staring in particular at the newcomer. His eyes darted between the two Asgardians before settling on one.

"Thor, explain to me again why your psychotic little brother is here on Earth again? Isn't he supposed to be on Asgard. Actually isn't he supposed to be, I don't know, _dead_?!"

Thor sighed and shook his head at his little brother who hadn't even bothered to look up from the StarkPad he was playing with. "We had no choice Man of Iron, Loki's presence on Asgard might lead to revolt."

"Why?" Natasha asked shrewdly her eyes still on the God of Mischief who was at the moment far too busy playing Angry Birds and obliterating Bruce's scores, something that would require some deep breathing from the Hulk's other half. "I mean dead or imprisoned wouldn't make much difference to them right?"

"As it turns out Loki wasn't dead, he was impersonating Odin Allfather and ruling Asgard while Odin slept. My father only woke up a few days ago."

"So for all these months Loki's been King in Asgard?" Tony whistled. "Dude, Asgard must be so fucked."

"Well actually…" Thor trailed off looking at his brother once again and Loki cackled.

"Do tell them Thor, I'd love to see how they react to this news."

Thor sighed again. "As it turns out my brother was a good king. A _really_ good king and a surprisingly high amount of Aesir would rather he was back on the throne. At the moment imprisoning him on Asgard is a bad idea because they'll probably break him out and…"

"Let me get this straight, your crazy ass brother who tried to take over the world was so good at ruling people that they want him back."

Thor opened and closed his mouth a couple of times before finally just nodding in affirmative.

"You should hit them on the head." Clint growled out, eyes never leaving Loki's form.

"Cognitive recalibration. It's how we got people under Loki's scepter's influence out of it." Natasha elaborated for Thor's sake and he frowned.

Loki snorted. "It's Asgard, everyone gets hit on the head all the time. I had to deal with fifteen complaints of property damage due to pub brawls on the slow days."

"So we're just supposed to keep him here? We already have a pet."

"Sir, Miss Potts is on her way up with Bart." JARVIS said and Thor and Clint who had been living with the 'Voice in the Ceiling' for months jumped up into the air while Loki who had been there all of fifteen minutes and only heard JARVIS speak once stayed put, utterly composed.

"We could sic Bart on him." Clint said excitedly.

"Is this Bart a nickname for Barton?" Loki drawled and Tony muffled a smile while the archer glared at the god.

"Bart is short for Bartimaeus and-"

"Actually it's short for Bartholomew." Tony interrupted Clint.

"What?! What kind of crap name is Bartholomew?"

"Not as crap as Bartimaeus."

"I thought it stood for Bart Simpson." Natasha added.

"My friends, who is this Bart you speak of?" Thor boomed.

"See while you were gone we rescued a dog and he's kind of become our mascot in the last few weeks." Tony explained.

"So this _Bart_ is a dog?" Loki asked all the while looking at Clint with a smirk.

"He is and you should be scared of him, he's a real mean dog."

At that moment the elevator doors opened and Pepper stepped out followed by a giant dog bouncing on his feet excitedly yipping and creating all sort of a ruckus. He leapt at the ball that Pepper was holding over his head playfully only to fall down with a splat before picking himself up and wagging his tail hard.

"Oh yes," Loki said dryly, "That is a mean, mean dog."

"You just wait, when he dislikes a person he pees in everything they own and uses their slippers as a toilet." Clint said smugly and Tony snorted.

"Well you would know. The only person Bart really dislikes is our dear Hawk here. It's gotten better but the first few days were hell."

He went up to Pepper and kissed her on the cheek pulling her into a hug and over his shoulder she looked at the group, eyes flitting over them one by one before noticing Loki and widening in shock.

"What the hell is he doing here?!" She yelled and Tony flinched. Her mouth had been right next to his ear.

"Well it's a long story."

"I have time!" She continued yelling and he took her aside to explain things.

While he did so, Bart had slunk off to where the group was sitting around the table. He sniffed haughtily at Barton and passed him over to get an ear scratch from Natasha instead and then fixed his eyes on Loki and Thor. He moved forward and circled the two for a while and sniffed them carefully. Thor stood stock still, unaware of how to deal with this Midgardian beast while Loki offered his hand to the dog.

Bart turned his butt towards Thor and jumped up to Loki, licking his face vigorously and wagging his tail so that it hit Thor's calves hard enough to get him to move away.

"I am so terrified." Loki drawled as he petted the affectionate creature, kneeling on the floor so that he could rub his belly and Bart splayed out on the floor in pure satisfaction as Clint's face turned red and he spluttered.

"He likes you." Pepper looked at him aghast.

"A lot of animals do."

"T'is true, I have even seen a wyrm allow Loki to pet it and they are most grotesque beasts." Thor nodded as if he had said something truly awe-inspiring but they had no idea what he was talking about.

"Wyrm?" Clint asked, confused.

"He means dragons and maybe they would let you pet them Thor, if you didn't keep on referring to them as grotesque beasts." Loki explained.

Thor looked confused. "But they _are_ grotesque beasts."

"Bart likes you." Tony said and shrugged. "I suppose that's as warm a welcome to the Avengers' Tower as it gets." He smiled wide and fake. "Welcome to the family!" And everyone there looked distinctly queasy, even Loki turned pale despite Bart's loving administrations.

"Joy."


	2. Chapter 2

The next day started with a convulsing Nick Fury. Admittedly this was the norm for him, the only state in which he would ever pay a personal visit to the Avengers Tower was frothing and foaming at the mouth but this was a level of furious Fury that even Tony was unused to.

It was glorious.

"Why is this motherfucking Super villain back on my motherfucking planet?!"

Steve looked horrified, a hand was clutched to his chest in the manner of a Victorian lady whose modesty had been outraged (not much of a stretch there, Tony thought) and Thor grew just as angry as Fury at those words, Mjolnir summoned to his hands, crackling with electricity.

"You dare besmirch our mother's name?! Have you no respect for the dead?!"

Loki who had lounging with ease stiffened at that. Tony having seen all the footage of Thor and Loki before he got the gag on, half expected a denial ('Your mother, not mine') but none was forthcoming. If anything it looked like the light had just gone out in his eyes even as the smirk remained firmly in place.

"Thor, it's not literal. I'm sure Fury wouldn't insult the Allmother in such a manner, especially since the last time someone sullied her name they had venom dripped onto their face while chained to a rock by their own entrails." Everyone in the room flinched at the mental image, except for Thor who simply looked pleased and Natasha who simply seemed, almost dangerously so, thoughtful. Ignoring their reactions he continued."Director Fury, as current King elect of Asgard, I have full diplomatic immunity, any actions against me or the position I hold will merit a full scale invasion of Midgard."

"Yeah well, in the last few years since your appearance we've learnt a thing or two, let the damn Asgardians come, we'll give them a fight." Fury said with great relish, even as he knew he was alienating Thor to a great extent. God of Thunder or not, he had brought a damned criminal back to his planet and Fury would not stand it. "The last time you brought an alien army to conquer Earth it didn't go too well for you."

"I'm afraid you do not quite understand Director Fury," Loki said pleasantly and the smile went off Fury's face. "I have facilitated iron clad treaties between all the other realms so it's not just Asgardians you have to worry about, and you _do_ have to worry about Asgardians. There's the dwarves who can forge weapons imbued with magic that are beyond anything you can create, there are the Frost Giants, and when I say giants I do mean giants, the Vanir, the light elves, even a few dark elves who have survived and the fire demons of Muselpheim. The ruler of Helheim herself, Hela owes me a few favours so…" He trailed off, face lit in an innocent smile and Fury's eye twitched.

The staring match that followed was so intense Tony quietly whispered to JARVIS, asking to get all the angles possible on it for later viewing and Natasha having overheard that, asked to be included in those viewings. Even the innuendo that Tony made (_So you like to watch huh?)_ only earned him a peripheral glare, the redhead too intent on the display in front of her. It would make for some interesting analysing, she decided. Insight into both, Fury _and_ Loki, was something she would never pass up.

"Agent Barton, Romanoff I want him kept out of sight." Fury turned and strode out, Clint and Natasha following him closely. He continued giving them orders all the way, words like 'mass hysteria' and 'damned space Vikings' reaching the ears of the others.

"You know," Tony started, edging closer to Loki, "You'd think it's easier to have a staring contest with a man who only has one eyes but it's surprisingly difficult."

"Stark, Odin only has one eye too and I've been having staring contests with him since I was only two hundred and knee high to him."

Loki walked away, ignoring Tony's spluttering. "Two hundred?!" and Thor followed him.

"Brother, did you really mean all of that?"

"Don't be silly Thor, Hela would never owe me any favours, and you know that. That was just a bluff. Midgardians take death seriously, I suppose it's because they live such small lives." Loki shrugged.

"But the other Realms know that it was you?" Loki heard the unasked question in Thor's incredulous tone. It was the same one he'd used when he'd found out that Asgard would rather have Loki on the throne than Odin. Tony would later watch that part and dub it the 'Seriously? They'd do that for _you_?' voice.

"Well yes, Asgardians were easy to fool but the documents for the treaties are bound in blood and there's no faking that. Once the Vanir found out the news spread through the other realms, they know well who they were negotiating with. It was much better that I didn't have to pretend really, Odin hadn't updated any of the terms and conditions of any treaties for hundreds of years, he didn't even take inflation into account!" Loki shook his head.

"All of them know? Even the fire demons?" The Fire demons and Aesir had as bad a relationship as the Frost Giants and Aesir did and the treaty between the two had been on some very strict conditions, conditions that Loki had apparently seen fit to change.

"Well Surtr was rather fond of the idea of Odin's throne being usurped by his cuckoo in the nest and insisted on it. Said my sense of humour was to his liking."

"I didn't realise you were on joking terms with Surtr." Thor said stiffly.

"That was the odd part." Loki tapped his chin, quizzical. "I wasn't joking. I still don't see why my expectation that one day Odin would die in Odinsleep never to reach Valhalla even though he created it for the brave warriors of Asgard while Frigga, the sorceress of Vanaheim, is already there was so funny to him."

Thor looked at him with wide eyes. "What?"

"Well it's ironic sure, but not exactly funny." Loki walked off leaving Thor there with his mouth gaping, considering the likelihood of that happening, realising that it was high and then dealing with it. He sat down next to Tony on the couch, Bart appearing now that Fury was out of smelling distance (he did _not_ like the SHIELD director) to climb up on the couch despite Tony's protests and gaze lovingly at Loki. Absently the god scratched his head while Tony practically vibrated with amusement. The three sighed and stared at the spectacle that was Thor trying to think. "Now _that_ is funny."


	3. Chapter 3

"I'm not a fucking baby sitter!" Tony yelled into the phone, pacing the room angrily. "That's your job, my job is to be Tony fucking Stark!"

"He's very fond of saying his name." Loki noted and Thor nodded as they both watched the billionaire stalk the room while on the phone with Fury.

"And profanity." The blonde god added.

Clint and Natasha were off on a mission, the Black Widow practically bouncing with excitement as they had left while Hawkeye sulked while repeating 'Fucking Budapest' at random intervals. On the first day Tony had simply shrugged their absence off and left the two Asgardians in his home assuming they'd be able to play nicely under Jarvis' watch. He had come home to Thor sized holes in a lot of walls, the codes on all the locks changed and Jarvis talking in Elfdalian while Bart left smelly presents in the master bedroom. He had expected Thor to at least be concerned but had been informed they got bored and had just roughhoused a bit and technology reacted strangely to magic any way.

"No, you listen to me Fury, there is **no way **in hell that I am taking them to work with me!" Tony said, vehement.

An hour later Loki and Thor sat awkwardly squashed together while Pepper and Tony sat across them, on their way to the new Stark Tower, the old one being used to house the Avengers and their SHIELD crew.

"I hate Fury." Tony sulked. His mood did not get any better when Loki held the door open for Pepper as they stepped into Stark Headquarters and she giggled (_giggled!_). It got even worse when he slipped through security without a blip on any of the metal detectors only to take a dagger out of nowhere and started playing with it, flipping it through his fingers like it was a mere coin.

"You've got a meeting with Lucius Fox in twenty minutes." Pepper said and Tony frowned.

"I thought Lucius was waiting for me at the office already?"

"He is but I can entertain him for some time while you take a trip in the IT department." She said with a small smile and he stopped her then and there in the elevator in front of Thor and Loki, one hand holding on to the crook of her elbow while the other held the doors open.

"I love you."

"I know."

"You just quoted Han Solo. That is so hot."

"I still know. Be good." She said and walked out with a kiss on his cheek.

He stared off at her back until she went out of sight a sigh leaving him as the doors shut behind her.

"Might I ask what we're supposed to do here?" Loki said looking around him carefully and Tony scowled.

"If anyone asks you're shadowing me."

"Why are we shadowing you?"

Tony waved it off. "Say you're my bodyguards or some security consultant."

Before Loki could ask any other questions (Thor seemed content to just look around and blink) the doors opened again and they stepped out.

"Do you have to follow me?" Tony asked annoyed and Loki raised an eyebrow.

"We're shadowing you, remember?"

Tony rolled his eyes and navigated a maze full of cubicles until finally reaching one particularly secluded and tucked into a corner. There were multiple screens set up all around and the lighting in that area were oddly dim, the person sitting in front of them lit up in their odd blue glow.

"Madeline, darling Madeline, do me a favour?"

"Get me coffee and I will."

"At once, my sweet." Tony said and rushed out leaving the two gods in the company of 'Madeline'.

"Why do you wear your hair so short?" Thor asked, eyeing the pale pink streaks running through chin length black hair carefully. On Asgard no woman would be caught with such short hair.

"Because it looks damn good on me. Why do you wear yours so long?" Unlike Loki who had morphed his hair to a shorter, redder state and magically grown a dignified beard to disguise the fact that he was Loki, Thor had chosen to change nothing about himself. He wore a well cut suit but refused to put his hair into the man pony that Pepper insisted would suit him better and left his locks loose and flowing with a braid keeping it off his face.

He looked, in Loki's opinion as well as that of many of the people that they had passed on their way there who had stared in incredulity, ridiculous.

"T'is a sign on my prowess in the battlefield." Thor puffed up standing a bit taller.

"Or compensation for it. I find that if you really have the skills you don't need to show if off to the world."

"I am Thor Odinson, God of-"

"Thunder, I know, I did my research but right now your thunder is sending my systems on the fritz, back off."

"I come bearing coffee!" Tony said, sinking into a flamboyant bow and placing a mug in front of the girl.

"What do you need me to do?" She swung around on the chair to look at them, finally. Big grey eyes stared from behind bright blue glasses.

"Hack into SHIELD and leave them a…message."

"What message?" She turned back around and fingers began flying over the keyboard with great speed.

"I am not a babysitter."

She snorted, never taking her eyes off the screen or her fingers off the keyboard.

"Obviously. But a dude who leaks lightning and the guy who tried to take over the world are a bit out of even Iron Man's hands." At once the three men narrowed their eyes at her back.

"How do you know he's Loki?"

"Well some people happen to be smart and can put things together easily because of this aforementioned intelligence. And the voice recognition program I wrote identified him when he said thank you to the security guard." Tony beamed like a happy father.

"MAn of Iron, I thought you and SHIELD were allies." Thor said gravely.

"You might wanna break Blondie out of that habit before he does that in front of Mr Fox."

"We've been trying for months, it's not working." Tony told the girl before turning to Thor. "And SHIELD and I are not friends we're more like frenemies, friends don't make friends babysit Norse Gods they don't like."

"You clearly don't have a lot of friends." Loki drawled out earning a snort from the one called Madeline.

"What gave you that idea." She dead panned, fingers flying over the keyboard."And done! When Fury goes to access anything , every screen on the helicarrier will play a video of a chibi Nick Fury in SHIELD diapers crying continuously with voiceover provided by my neighbour's brat who won't shut up. I've been dying to use that."

"That was fast."

"I left a backdoor in their system a few months back and they still haven't found it. Their IT department is an epic fail. Actually no it's just a fail, nothing epic about it. My home computer has better firewalls than they do."

"You are a goddess."

"I know." She turned her attention to Loki. "Why are your eyes green? Is that part of your 'disguise'?" She made quotation marks while Thor frowned and Loki stilled.

"What do you mean?"

"I've gone over every piece of footage SHIELD has on him and his eyes were blue in all those times. Now they're green. Are you wearing contacts or is this your voodoo?"

"I'm not sure what you're referring to." Loki answered smoothly before frowning. "You aren't afraid of me."

She snorted. "I grew up watching the Jerry Springer show, nothing scares me. Besides you tried to take over the world and failed. Completely. You know, if _I_ was taking over the world I wouldn't have screwed up."

A muscle in his jaw twitched but he maintained composure. "And how would you have done so?"

"From behind my screen. It would be easy too, all I'd have to do-" She stopped abruptly. "I'm not telling you. Intellectual theft is not fun."

"I beg your pardon?"

"I don't want you stealing my ideas of world domination. They're awesome. Plus I might need them someday." The chair turned and soon all they were looking at was the back of her head.

"Well we have to get going, Lucius Fox is waiting. So Madeline, what are you doing this Friday?" Tony said leaning on the desk in a seductive manner trying to get her to meet his eyes.

"Making gifs for my tumblr. Why?"

"So you're really set on this cat lady ambition huh?"

She gave him the finger while one hand continued its dance on the keyboard. "Auta Miqula Orqu."

Tony snickered and ushered the two out of her nook turning back for a brief moment to yell, "Forever Alone!", ducking as a cup of instant ramen flew over his head and they went about a perfectly dull business day.

It was long after they'd returned to the Avengers Tower that Loki remembered something.

"Stark, what is this 'Jerry Springer show'?"

"Well it's-," Tony stopped and a slow wicked smile grew on his face one not unlike Loki's own. "I could tell you. But I'd rather show you."

A few minutes later the trio were sitting on the couch, a bucket of popcorn shared between them, watching and wincing as a man with a fish strapped onto his body terrorised the studio audience.

Loki snorted. "And you Midgardians thought _I_ was mad."


	4. Chapter 4

It hadn't taken long for the Jerry Springer Marathon to turn into a 'Using Midgardian Technology' session. Thor was confused and admittedly uninterested but Loki was now surfing the internet with ease and had made a list of TV shows and cult classics that Tumblr told him he had to marathon. While Clint and Natasha weren't back from their mission Tony no longer needed to babysit the two Asgardians, Thor having flown out to London to spend some quality time with Jane while Loki watched TV.

Consequently Tony wasn't particularly surprised to wake up only to find Loki camped out in front of the TV in his en-suite living room with Bart curled up on his lap. But he had to wonder why Loki was here and not in the main TV room.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"Watching TV." The god said succinct, never taking his eyes off the latest season of Sherlock.

"But why not in the movie theatre?"

"It's taken."

Tony frowned confused. Steve was still in Washington, Bruce in India, Thor in London and Clint and Natasha were in Budapest and Pepper didn't really like watching movies alone. He wondered who exactly was using the theatre and ran down to it, slipping on the special bracelets.

"What the hell?" Because in the theatre was Loki watching Shaun of the Dead. "How did you get here so fast?"

"I assume you are talking about the simulacrum of me watching TV in your room?"

"Wait simulacrum?"

"Yes, I realised early on that I would have to sit in front of a screen for years to truly catch up so I made multiple versions of me to watch for me. This way I only have to watch for a week or so and I'll be caught up on everything."

Tony spluttered.

"What the hell?"

"Leave me be Stark, on Asgard entertainment is nothing more than hunting and the occasional musical usually dedicated to the evil of frost giants. You would not believe how hard it is to find a decent comedy that doesn't just involve hitting someone over the head over and over again."

Deciding it was too early in the morning for this (even though it was afternoon) Tony retreated to his labs only to emerge a few days later, unshaven and heavily caffeinated and was met by a worried Pepper.

"Tony Loki hasn't slept at all in days and he's been using his magic to maintain those copies of him. I'm getting worried."

"He's still watching TV?"

"He says he's reaching the end of it though but I'm not sure."

As Tony and Pepper made their way to the theatre to confront Loki he eyed her carefully. "When did you become so fond of Thor's crazy little brother."

Pepper shrugged. "He has good manners, calls me Lady Pepper and even says Thank you."

"He tried to take over the world. And he threw me out the window."

"SHIELD sent Natasha to spy on you and we both know that if they didn't think they could use you they would have let you die of palladium poisoning. He would have thrown you out of the window even if you were someone else, it didn't matter to him that you were Tony Stark he just wanted you out of the way."

"And that make sit okay?"

"Tony he wasn't gunning for you. If I only ever talked to people who didn't want to kill you I'd have no one to talk to. Sometimes even I want to throw you out of a window so I can't blame him for that momentary lapse." She teased but turned serious again. "We have enough enemies. Right now I don't think he's one of them."

"If you say so."

"_You_ like him." She said accusingly.

Tony shrugged. "He's okay to hang out with when he's not trying to take over the world."

And before they knew it they had reached the theatre and Pepper began fussing over Loki.

"Loki you haven't slept in days and all you've eaten is popcorn and-"She stopped, narrowing her eyes as she viewed the wrappers and kernels strewed on the seats around him. "Is that my secret stash of caramels?"

"I ran out of pop tarts and needed the sugar to maintain the simulacrums." Loki didn't take his eyes off the screen. "And don't worry about the sleep, I once went four years without sleep, it's fine."

He waved her off ignoring her look of shock and dismay. Even Tony, no stranger to all nighters was horrified.

"No wonder you went crazy."

"I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested."

"Yeah well she-Wait a minute did you just make a pop culture reference? Did you just quote Sheldon Cooper?"

"I find his little idiosyncrasies rather endearing."

"Endearing? He's neurotic!"

"As anyone would be if they had a vast knowledge of the world and yet no coping mechanism to deal with it. He is very aware, painfully so."

"Do I sense some empathy for the young genius?" Tony teased.

"Not really. I am afraid despite my many attempts to do so I have yet to be able to detach myself the way he does."

"You know it isn't healthy to detach yourself form things like he does. In fact they're trying to make him more human on the show."

"It may not be healthy but it is rather self preservative."

Sensing that the topic might get too deep too fast, Tony changed the subject.

"So, what other characters do you find endearing?"

"Ah yes, the Barney character form that show, what was it called again?" Loki snapped his fingers trying to remember.

"How I met your Mother."

"Yes that one, rather fascinating. I fin the various devices he uses to seduce women to be rather interesting."

Tony snorted. "IT's not like they'd actually work."

He was having a discussion about a character form a sitcom with a Norse God who had tried to throw him out the window when he tried to stop him from taking over the world. Surreal did not even begin to describe how the situation felt.

"On the contrary, I believe they would. Given the right execution obviously. The show emphasised the humour and made them seem ridiculous but the basic principles are sound."

"Really? So you really think that putting up an oil painting of yourself dressed as a Prussian aristocrat while standing next to it in the same uniform would work as a pick up trick?"

"Again, the show emphasised how ridiculous it could get but with a few edits the plan would work."

Tony thought it over looking Loki up and down. "You're single."

"That depends."

"On what?"

"Are you flirting with me? In front of your girlfriend too, the shame Lord Stark!" He made yet another pop culture reference and Tony pondered the differences between the two brothers.

"No I am not flirting with you!" Tony turned to Pepper who was watching the going on with amusement. "I am not flirting with him."

"That doesn't sound too convincing."

"Loki I am absolutely utterly not flirting with you."

"Well then yes, I am single. I know your myths make me out to be quite a, how do you put it? Oh yes, a slut. A usually pregnant one too even though I've never had any children not birthed nor impregnated anyone either." He frowned.

"Well then there's only one way to find out if they work."

.

.

.

"Hi there, haave you met my friend Lucas?" Tony found himself saying a few hours later.


	5. Chapter 5

"Stark," Loki started looking around the room with disinterest. The Avengers, their better halves, AHIELD Agents and a few scientists from Stark Enterprises' R & D department mingled in the room. Soft classy music played and little cucumber sandwiches were being circulated. For the birthday party of Tony Stark, self confessed genius, billionaire, playboy (questionable), philanthropist and former darling of TMZ, it was boring. Hell, it would have been boring even for a garden party with the Queen of England "I would say this is dull as ditchwater but that might be offensive to ditchwater. At least ditchwater has the terrible stench of decay making it disgusting yet interesting. This party has not even that."

Although the watered drown drinks that were being circulated were pretty close to that level of disgusting. For the most part they were as bland as everything else.

"I know." Tony commiserated morosely. "Pepper said no wild parties."

"I don't think she meant this dull. Even she's falling asleep." Loki gestured the glass in his hand to where Pepper was resting her head on Bart's neck, eyes closed.

"What the hell is this?" A new voice joined them.

"Maddie, welcome to my birthday party."

"Don't sully the word like that! This is not a party, this is the dullest dull to ever dull!"

"Colourful imagery there." Loki snarked.

"Shove it Reindeer Games." She replied nastily and Loki turned his glare to Tony before recognising her form his brief time shadowing Stark.

"Ah you're the colourful child whom I have to thank for the introduction to Jerry Springer."

"Yeah yeah," She waved her hand dismissively, "What the hell Tony, what the hell?"

"Pepper said no wild parties." Said Tony in his defence.

"Again, do not sully the word party. And she said 'not wild' she didn't say 'dead'."

"I don't know how to do anything less than wild." Tony whined and almost began weeping then and there.

Jane and Thor were on one of the loveseats talking quietly, Bruce was in a heated discussion with one of the scientists (lucky bastard) and the SHIELD agents were also being quiet, some hadn't even bothered to change out of their uniform. It was all lovely and quiet and refined and he had never had a worse time in his whole life. Except for the time Obadiah had taken his arc reactor out and left him to die.

"JARVIS?"

"Yes Ms Madeline?"

"I'm taking control of this shindig, Tony you get some bottles of Moet I'm going to sort out the lighting and music issues."

"Are you certain that's the wisest course of action? This party, pardon, this _gathering_ does not seem to have anything in it that can be salvaged."

"Oh you poor sweet god, I can salvage anything. I'm not a reformed party girl for nothing, now get on the booze."

"Aye Aye Ma'am." With that Tony and Loki retreated to one of the other floors where most of the liquor was kept. Unlike most people, Tony did not have a liquor cabinet but two liquor floors. The wine cellar was an artificially simulated environment made to look like an underground facility and Tony and Loki decided on carrying back one case of champagne and a bottle of 1947 Château Cheval Blanc for Pepper and Natasha, both of them preferring red. Tony carried the bottle of wine with him while Loki levitated the case to follow behind them. The sight they came to was entirely unlike what they had left.

The very proper white lights had been dimmed and purple and blue lights had been put up instead. On a makeshift stage, some SHIELD agents were setting up with instruments while a song with a steady thumping beat was playing. Instead of the individuals they had left, people were actually walking around, talking, shouting and laughing while a dance floor had spontaneously created itself. The girls all had feather boas around their necks, Pepper's a bright canary yellow while Natasha's was black and there was actual noise of people filtering through the place. In the centre of the dance floor Bruce was teaching Thor how to do the Gangnam Style dance while his red cape swished around him, Fury was giving them critique and Steve, who had spent the last two hours simply staring at Loki suspiciously, was actually laughing at them.

"This is glorious!"

"And they haven't even started drinking yet." Loki said, reverent. He was Asgardian after all, drunken revelling and debauchery was embedded deep in his soul. He did not like the actual hangover that follow such activities, not that the weak Midgardian brews got him drunk to begin with, but watching everything turn to chaos was, as always, one of his many joys in life.

"Attention!" Madeline said into the mic , "The man of the hour is here, may I present the now even older Tony fucking Stark!" and everyone cheered pulling Tony forward before pushing him away in favour of the alcohol. "And everybody in this room and I do mean everybody is going to sing a song and rock the shit out of it!"

Cheers went up and Clint stepped forward before being pushed back by the force of her glare, "Except for you Clint, I don't care if Elsa is your one true love, if I hear the words 'Let it Go' leave your mouth one more time I will get Natasha to kill you and everyone will help me hide your body." The archer turned to his partner and wilted when she only shrugged. "Now let's get this party started, bitches!"

She picked up one of the many stress balls Tony left all over the tower and threw it out into the crowd. An unamused Nick Fury stared back with the tiny yellow ball with its smiley face, in his hand. It looked, oddly, as if it belonged there.

"Alright then, first up Nick Fury's going to sing the birthday boy a song!"

The company as one took a gulp and stepped away from him, the mood suddenly very dead.

"I'm not singing." Fury said coldly.

"If you do then I won't hack your mainframe for a week."

"Two weeks."

"Sure, now get your ass up here!"

Reluctantly Fury made his way up the stage. The SHIELD members who were part of the impromptu band looked like they were going to piss in their pants any second but Fury turned his mouth away from the mic and shot them instructions and they began playing their instruments with fervour.

"The Norns would weep with joy." Loki said in tones of raptures.

"Nick Fury is singing Sex Bomb for me on my birthday party!" Tony squealed before the words registered and he was suddenly nauseated. "Oh God, bad mental picture!"

"This is the best party ever!"

"And no one's going to get that drunk either so Pepper will be happy."

"What, why?!" The thought of them not getting drunk hurt Loki in his soul.

"Are you kidding, this little case of champagne won't go around much." He would have to rectify that.

The night went on and only got better. Steve who was still mostly lost in this century and had quite on purpose restricted himself only to children's shows, surprised everyone yet no one by singing the theme song of Pokemon perfectly, Pepper following it with a glorious rendition of 'You're so vain' clearly directed at Tony, Natasha had hummed a bit along with Darcy and Jane's Lady Marmalade and then came the Asgardian Princes' turn.

Thor mainly to annoy Loki sang 'Just can't wait to be King' while Loki glared at him throughout but upended him by earning himself brownie points with Fury by singing an obscure song form the sixties that no one knew but bopped along to anyway.

And everyone had yet to realise that Loki had spelled the glasses to magically refill themselves and steadily got more and more drunk. It was an hour before dawn when they were all sprawled over the tower passed out. Even Thor lay snoring on the floor, his glass had been filling up with Mead the same as Steve Rogers all in the name of equal drunkenness.

"JARVIS?" asked Loki, the only one still awake.

"Yes Mr Loki?"

"Could you please conduct an internet search of the worst songs to wake up to with a hangover?" He grinned wickedly.

"If I may make a suggestion Sir, in keeping with the theme of Sir's birthday I suggest we wake them up with his favourite song, Iron Man by Black Sabbath."

"Is it loud?"

"Alarmingly so."

"Well then, that sounds perfect. Would you mind setting it up to wake them in a few hours? We wouldn't want any of the SHIELD members to miss their work days now would we?"

"Of course Sir."

"And please make sure to get it on tape?"

"I shall move the footage to one of the secure servers as well as burn a hard copy for you."

"Wonderful."

With one last look Loki smirked and turned to the elevator, preparing to spend his night on the roof in one of the lounge chairs instead of his room in case the Hulk came out and decided to 'smash'. If Thor or any of the Avengers were awake they would have been horrified at the look he bore while he did a smooth break dance all the way up and suited up for battle immediately. It was reminiscent of the maniacal grin he had while in the Hulk's cage. That knowledge simply pulled his grin wider and he chuckled as he got ready for bed.

Giving SHIELD's director and the Avengers the worst wakeup call while they nursed hangover and ruining Tony's favourite song for him, could life get any better than that?


End file.
